“No man is an island.” - John Donne
I agree with this statement. If I am wrong, someone please correct me, I think everyone wants to be seen on some level. Different people need different levels of attention. Introverts need much less than their extroverted counterparts. I am sure there are introverts out there who would be happy to go days with out talking to another person. But at some point, even the shyest of introverts needs to be acknowledged, spoken to, confirmed, by a peer.
God calls His people to fellowship with each other, to care for those around them. I believe this was not only to show His love for those in need but also for those doing the caring. It is good for us to not be so consumed by our own lives that we cannot see where others are reaching out.
Even the homeless form communities. It may not be a friendly place but at least they may get a nod of acknowledgement from someone in the same boat they are in. Someone else confirming they are alive and they exist. My heart breaks for those who beg on the street corners, but each clink of a coin in the bottom of their cup, each eye to eye contact is a way of saying “I see you. You are here.”
Most of us receive that confirmation everyday. From the moment we are born our parents, family, friends, teachers, etc., show us love and guidance. Beginning around high school, we strive to standout. We want confirmation that we are special, different, loved for who we are. We want to be seen, acknowledged, confirmed, no matter how different, needy, confident, we may be. Let us know you see us. We exist in your world, even if it is on the edges.
I have to say I have been struggling with this lately. I have no doubt I am loved. My husband spoils me. God has blessed my life with two wonderful sons. I have friends I can count on. But there have been times lately that I have been ignored, forgotten, and taken for granted. I saw a post on Facebook that said, “I’m sorry the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours!” I have repeated this in my thoughts many times. At one point I just quit talking and no one even noticed. Ouch! Chores I have asked to be completed take two days because “Sorry Mom, I forgot.” Or “I didn’t hear you ask.” even though they respond “Okay” when they were first asked. Having to ask two or three times, makes me feel like I don’t matter or the task is not important enough until that third request.
Like I said, I know I am loved, and these things come in waves. Next week could be wonderful. Fingers crossed!
I have also experienced this feeling of non-importance outside the house. Recently, I have come to the conclusion that I don’t matter to someone I had considered a friend. I thought I meant something to this person, but after months of not being greeted and feeling like I am forcing unwanted conversations, I am done. I will continue to say hello and I will always be nice and polite, but I will not seek them out for advice, I will not start conversations. I will not bother them any longer. I will grieve the lost friendship and if they ever want to start one up again, I will be there. But it will be up to them. This hurts. I am not acknowledged in their world, and our worlds intersect a lot.
This experience has made me more aware. I make more of an effort now to make time for my close friends. I connect with those around me a little more often with at least a text or maybe even a phone call just to hear their voice. I am trying to listen better when people talk to me so I can follow up on a care or concern when I see them again. In church, if I see a friend sitting alone, I greet them with eye contact, a wave, and a quick “Good Morning” if I don’t have time to actually go over and chat for a minute or two. This spring and summer as my family walks through the streets of Pittsburgh as wwe head for a Pirates game, I will have my pockets filled with snack items to hand to those who have fallen on hard times. They may be homeless, but I will acknowledge them because I know how it feels to be ignored.
