Friendship

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I could be a better friend.  I need to reach out more and not wait for others to reach out to me.  I need to think of what is going on in my friend’s life before I blurt out what is happening with me.  I need to remember the world, even my world, does not revolve around me.

Now that I know what to do, maybe I should define “friend”.  What is a friend?  Merriam-Webster defines a friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem”. There are other definitions but this is the one I would like to focus on.

Think about those around you.  Are you friends with them because you like hanging out with them? Do they make you feel good, encourage you, support you in the low times?  Are they there for you even if some time has passed? If so, I would consider this person a true friend.

On the other hand, are you friends with this person simply because of what they do for you? Do you only reach out to them when you need assistance or need to delegate a responsibility? Do you only touch base with them to let them know you have completed the task they asked you to do?  Do you trust this person with your emotional state or only surface level “How are you doing?” If this describes your relationship, I would consider this person an associate or co-worker. A friend in the sense that you know them.

A third option might be the person that only seeks you out when they need emotional assistance or advice.  When things are going well for them they will not give you the time of day, but when they need support, they expect you to be on alert for their call 24 hours a day and make you feel guilty if you don’t reply to a text within 10 seconds of receiving it (ignoring the fact they may take 48 hours to reply to yours). I’m not sure how to categorize these individuals.

Now as a Christian trying to reflect God’s love, how do I react to and treat these individuals who act like my friend, but just want something from me.  Should friendship always be a two way street?

Please don’t get me wrong.  I love helping people and being needed.  I will take meals to those who are sick or moms with new little ones.  I enjoy helping to lighten the work load of those who have a huge task to undertake.  I like being a small cog in the machine to pull it off.

I guess what I am asking is how can I guard my heart from being hurt, when someone I have treated as a friend only treats me as an associate?  How can I stop the sorrow when I continually reach out in conversation to someone and they do answer me, but don’t ask about me or mine in follow up? Am I being selfish? Do I have the wrong idea of what friendship is?

Am I friends with someone because of what I do for them? Or am I friends with them because they like who I am?