After the holidays, as people put away their Christmas decorations, I heard several friends and family remark, “It’s so nice to get back to our regular routine. You know, to get back to normal.”
While I do understand the regular routine of getting back to school and activities after a long Christmas break, what is normal? For some it might be an activity every night of the week and three on the weekends. For others it might be, nothing in the evenings during the week, but gone from home for trips every weekend. For still others it may mean, working nights and taking care of your kids during the day.
Why do we all want “normal” so much? Why do we want to be just like everyone else, but better at it? Why can we define what is normal for us and be happy with that with out comparing it to everyone else?
In our house, it is normal to attend karate classes two or three times a week. We attend church to praise God on Sundays. My boys go to youth group on Thursdays. They hang out with their friends, and do schoolwork. We play cards or board games sometimes in the evenings and can often be found reading books. In the summer, we enjoy riding bikes, boating, and I love geocaching. That is our normal and we are happy with it.
What would it take for you to be happy and content with your definition of normal?
Monday, January 14, 2019
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
What’s in a name?
I have been called many names, some good, some not so good. In karate class, whether or not I am teaching or taking the class, I am referred to as “Ma’am” or “Mrs. B”. My husband will occasionally use terms of endearment - “Honey”, “Dear”. My two sons call me “Mom”. By the majority of people- friends, family, peers, call me “Becky”.
I have been married for over 20 years. I haven’t been a “Miss” for a long time. I do realize it is a common thing (especially in the South) for kids to call friends of their parents “Miss ____ “ what ever the person’s first name might be regardless of that woman’s marital status. I’m not a fan of that unless the adult has said to call her by that title. Plus, I don’t live in the South. To me, this ignores part of who I am. I am not “Miss Becky” anymore. I love being introduced as “Mrs. Buriok” to new acquaintances. Within a few minutes I will ask them to call me “Becky”, but right out of the gate they understand I am married and happily so. I feel that when someone calls me “Miss Becky”, they are putting themselves in a subservient roll to me. I do not like being placed in that position.
While my given name is Rebecca, I haven’t been called that in many years. It was the name used by my parents when I was in big trouble. You all know what I mean. When you have done something so wrong the full name must be used to emphasize the severity of your actions and how bad the punishment is going to be. Last week, someone who has only known me for a couple of years wrote me a check for some work I had done for her. She made the check out to “Rebecca”. I do realize that in business full names are used for contracts and such. But this person has never heard me called Rebecca. It just seemed odd to me. This same person sent me a text and called me “Miss Becky”. If you are my peer and we are friends, I’m “Becky”. If you are a friend of my sons, “Mrs. Buriok” will do unless I have asked you to call me “Becky”.
On this note, how do you correct someone with out coming across as snippy or mean? I easily correct someone the first time I am called the wrong title. But in a text it gets awkward. It is even more awkward if the person continues to ignore your request and uses “Miss Becky” all the time.
So the name you are called, in part, helps define and identify you. What’s you name?
I have been married for over 20 years. I haven’t been a “Miss” for a long time. I do realize it is a common thing (especially in the South) for kids to call friends of their parents “Miss ____ “ what ever the person’s first name might be regardless of that woman’s marital status. I’m not a fan of that unless the adult has said to call her by that title. Plus, I don’t live in the South. To me, this ignores part of who I am. I am not “Miss Becky” anymore. I love being introduced as “Mrs. Buriok” to new acquaintances. Within a few minutes I will ask them to call me “Becky”, but right out of the gate they understand I am married and happily so. I feel that when someone calls me “Miss Becky”, they are putting themselves in a subservient roll to me. I do not like being placed in that position.
While my given name is Rebecca, I haven’t been called that in many years. It was the name used by my parents when I was in big trouble. You all know what I mean. When you have done something so wrong the full name must be used to emphasize the severity of your actions and how bad the punishment is going to be. Last week, someone who has only known me for a couple of years wrote me a check for some work I had done for her. She made the check out to “Rebecca”. I do realize that in business full names are used for contracts and such. But this person has never heard me called Rebecca. It just seemed odd to me. This same person sent me a text and called me “Miss Becky”. If you are my peer and we are friends, I’m “Becky”. If you are a friend of my sons, “Mrs. Buriok” will do unless I have asked you to call me “Becky”.
On this note, how do you correct someone with out coming across as snippy or mean? I easily correct someone the first time I am called the wrong title. But in a text it gets awkward. It is even more awkward if the person continues to ignore your request and uses “Miss Becky” all the time.
So the name you are called, in part, helps define and identify you. What’s you name?
Thursday, January 3, 2019
How much is enough?
“Why didn’t you send a Thank You card?!?”
“Because I opened the gift in front of you. Said ‘Thank you’ three times at that moment; said ‘Thank you for everything’ twice as we left. I didn’t think another ‘Thank You’ was necessary.”
How many times should we say “Thank you” for a gift? When is it enough? The same can be asked of an apology. I can say “I am sorry” when I know I am wrong and again later when emotions have calmed and a small bit of time has passed. I have heard an apology four times for the same slight. Once was enough for me because I knew it was sincere. Same goes for appreciation. If it is sincere, once is enough.
I believe in following etiquette. Thank you notes, using the correct silverware when the occasion called for multiple forks and such. Manners should not be lacking. “Excuse me” and “Please” are words that should not be lost. Holding doors for those behind you, giving up a seat on crowded public transportation should not be forgotten gestures.
I do not want to be rude in my speach or my actions. But I do not want to do these things unnecessarily either. I do not need to stand if there are ten empty seats on a bus or hold a door open for ten minutes. I don’t need to open and close a door five time for the same person to go through either.
So I’ll ask again, when it comes to apologies and appreciation, how much is enough?
“Because I opened the gift in front of you. Said ‘Thank you’ three times at that moment; said ‘Thank you for everything’ twice as we left. I didn’t think another ‘Thank You’ was necessary.”
How many times should we say “Thank you” for a gift? When is it enough? The same can be asked of an apology. I can say “I am sorry” when I know I am wrong and again later when emotions have calmed and a small bit of time has passed. I have heard an apology four times for the same slight. Once was enough for me because I knew it was sincere. Same goes for appreciation. If it is sincere, once is enough.
I believe in following etiquette. Thank you notes, using the correct silverware when the occasion called for multiple forks and such. Manners should not be lacking. “Excuse me” and “Please” are words that should not be lost. Holding doors for those behind you, giving up a seat on crowded public transportation should not be forgotten gestures.
I do not want to be rude in my speach or my actions. But I do not want to do these things unnecessarily either. I do not need to stand if there are ten empty seats on a bus or hold a door open for ten minutes. I don’t need to open and close a door five time for the same person to go through either.
So I’ll ask again, when it comes to apologies and appreciation, how much is enough?
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Friendship
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I could be a better friend. I need to reach out more and not wait for others to reach out to me. I need to think of what is going on in my friend’s life before I blurt out what is happening with me. I need to remember the world, even my world, does not revolve around me.
Now that I know what to do, maybe I should define “friend”. What is a friend? Merriam-Webster defines a friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem”. There are other definitions but this is the one I would like to focus on.
Think about those around you. Are you friends with them because you like hanging out with them? Do they make you feel good, encourage you, support you in the low times? Are they there for you even if some time has passed? If so, I would consider this person a true friend.
On the other hand, are you friends with this person simply because of what they do for you? Do you only reach out to them when you need assistance or need to delegate a responsibility? Do you only touch base with them to let them know you have completed the task they asked you to do? Do you trust this person with your emotional state or only surface level “How are you doing?” If this describes your relationship, I would consider this person an associate or co-worker. A friend in the sense that you know them.
A third option might be the person that only seeks you out when they need emotional assistance or advice. When things are going well for them they will not give you the time of day, but when they need support, they expect you to be on alert for their call 24 hours a day and make you feel guilty if you don’t reply to a text within 10 seconds of receiving it (ignoring the fact they may take 48 hours to reply to yours). I’m not sure how to categorize these individuals.
Now as a Christian trying to reflect God’s love, how do I react to and treat these individuals who act like my friend, but just want something from me. Should friendship always be a two way street?
Please don’t get me wrong. I love helping people and being needed. I will take meals to those who are sick or moms with new little ones. I enjoy helping to lighten the work load of those who have a huge task to undertake. I like being a small cog in the machine to pull it off.
I guess what I am asking is how can I guard my heart from being hurt, when someone I have treated as a friend only treats me as an associate? How can I stop the sorrow when I continually reach out in conversation to someone and they do answer me, but don’t ask about me or mine in follow up? Am I being selfish? Do I have the wrong idea of what friendship is?
Am I friends with someone because of what I do for them? Or am I friends with them because they like who I am?
Now that I know what to do, maybe I should define “friend”. What is a friend? Merriam-Webster defines a friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem”. There are other definitions but this is the one I would like to focus on.
Think about those around you. Are you friends with them because you like hanging out with them? Do they make you feel good, encourage you, support you in the low times? Are they there for you even if some time has passed? If so, I would consider this person a true friend.
On the other hand, are you friends with this person simply because of what they do for you? Do you only reach out to them when you need assistance or need to delegate a responsibility? Do you only touch base with them to let them know you have completed the task they asked you to do? Do you trust this person with your emotional state or only surface level “How are you doing?” If this describes your relationship, I would consider this person an associate or co-worker. A friend in the sense that you know them.
A third option might be the person that only seeks you out when they need emotional assistance or advice. When things are going well for them they will not give you the time of day, but when they need support, they expect you to be on alert for their call 24 hours a day and make you feel guilty if you don’t reply to a text within 10 seconds of receiving it (ignoring the fact they may take 48 hours to reply to yours). I’m not sure how to categorize these individuals.
Now as a Christian trying to reflect God’s love, how do I react to and treat these individuals who act like my friend, but just want something from me. Should friendship always be a two way street?
Please don’t get me wrong. I love helping people and being needed. I will take meals to those who are sick or moms with new little ones. I enjoy helping to lighten the work load of those who have a huge task to undertake. I like being a small cog in the machine to pull it off.
I guess what I am asking is how can I guard my heart from being hurt, when someone I have treated as a friend only treats me as an associate? How can I stop the sorrow when I continually reach out in conversation to someone and they do answer me, but don’t ask about me or mine in follow up? Am I being selfish? Do I have the wrong idea of what friendship is?
Am I friends with someone because of what I do for them? Or am I friends with them because they like who I am?
Sunday, November 25, 2018
Out with 8. In with 2
We have lived in our “new” house for five years now. I’m finally getting curtains up in the master bedroom. The living room has curtains, but they need to change because I don’t like them very much. That’s another post for later.
When we moved in, the basement had eight different colors of paint on the walls. No, I’m not exaggerating. Each wall is divided by a chair rail. Each wall had a different color above and below the rail. One wall is Pepto Bismal pink (actual pepto may have been more muted) and bright green- think of the mascara bottle colors. Wall number two was yellow and sky blue. Number 3, aqua green and Barney purple. The final wall to round out the fun is Hokie orange and dark blue.
We have know from day one we were going to repaint, but the task was daunting. We moved a LOT of stuff into the base and that would have to be moved. Some of the piles hadn’t been touched in five years (sad, I know). It is a good time to clean things out and refresh the space. So last night, we dove in.
We knew primer would be necessary due to the bright, dark, and deep colors. We started with the pink and green wall. Furniture was moved. Old toys sorted out. Trim was taped with the blue tape. Drop clothes were dropped. Primer cans were opened. The work began. Mike and I began with the trimming part of the paint and after we had completed a wall and a half, the boys began to roll. The initial coat went well and we were making really good progress. Then we hit the stairwell. Progress slowed to a crawl!
Do you realize how many nooks and corners are in a stairwell? The sides of the steps - those little triangles- needed to be painted. The walls on both sides and part of the ceiling needed to be redone. While I worked on trimming the stairs, the guys re-rolled the pink and green wall and touched up the yellow and blue wall (with the stairs). At one point, there were three of us standing on the stairs painting with rollers and brushes. I have the paint in my hair to prove it!
After four+ hours of painting, trimming and rolling, two walls are primed. Now we need to decide on a paint color and whether or not we want to paint one color above the chair rail and a different color below the rail on all four walls, so two colors - not eight. We knew this was going to be a big job and it has turned out to be bigger than expected. The pink wall took three coats of primer to cover well, and we figure the Barney purple wall may require the same. We will take it a step at a time and eventually it will be completed.
When we moved in, the basement had eight different colors of paint on the walls. No, I’m not exaggerating. Each wall is divided by a chair rail. Each wall had a different color above and below the rail. One wall is Pepto Bismal pink (actual pepto may have been more muted) and bright green- think of the mascara bottle colors. Wall number two was yellow and sky blue. Number 3, aqua green and Barney purple. The final wall to round out the fun is Hokie orange and dark blue.
We have know from day one we were going to repaint, but the task was daunting. We moved a LOT of stuff into the base and that would have to be moved. Some of the piles hadn’t been touched in five years (sad, I know). It is a good time to clean things out and refresh the space. So last night, we dove in.
We knew primer would be necessary due to the bright, dark, and deep colors. We started with the pink and green wall. Furniture was moved. Old toys sorted out. Trim was taped with the blue tape. Drop clothes were dropped. Primer cans were opened. The work began. Mike and I began with the trimming part of the paint and after we had completed a wall and a half, the boys began to roll. The initial coat went well and we were making really good progress. Then we hit the stairwell. Progress slowed to a crawl!
Do you realize how many nooks and corners are in a stairwell? The sides of the steps - those little triangles- needed to be painted. The walls on both sides and part of the ceiling needed to be redone. While I worked on trimming the stairs, the guys re-rolled the pink and green wall and touched up the yellow and blue wall (with the stairs). At one point, there were three of us standing on the stairs painting with rollers and brushes. I have the paint in my hair to prove it!
After four+ hours of painting, trimming and rolling, two walls are primed. Now we need to decide on a paint color and whether or not we want to paint one color above the chair rail and a different color below the rail on all four walls, so two colors - not eight. We knew this was going to be a big job and it has turned out to be bigger than expected. The pink wall took three coats of primer to cover well, and we figure the Barney purple wall may require the same. We will take it a step at a time and eventually it will be completed.
Friday, October 19, 2018
Hard work (not really)
So, I've been a stay at home mom for 16 years now. I take in little sewing jobs and decorate the occasional birthday cake to help out my friends. But I haven't had a "9 to 5" job in over 16 years. Years ago my guys heard the announcer on the radio say something about a stay-at-home mom and he asked me what that meant.
" A stay at home mom doesn't go out to do her job. She gets to stay at home to do her job of taking care of the house and her kids."
"Oh" came the small voice from the booster seat behind me in the car. "You're not a stay at home mom."
Puzzled I asked, "Why do you think that buddy?"
"You don't stay at home. You shop!" We were on our way to Walmart for groceries and such after all.
I did set the record straight and we did have a chuckle that night as I told Mike my "non-stay -at -home" status.
Now that my guys are older and much more independent, I occassionally work behind the desk at our karate studio. I answer phones, handle payments, greet students, and pretty much just sit behind the desk to make sure things run smoothly.
It is not a hard job. I really love doing it. It does change the schedule at home quite a bit! while I am still at home to help my guys with school work in the mornings. I leave to work the desk around 3:00. I run a couple errands and get to work at 4:00 to have things ready for the first class at 4:30. I spend the evening at ATA and get home around 9:00.
I don't get to greet Mike when he gets home from work and while the crockpot and instant pot come in handy, the guys are on their own for dinner. That big of a change in the schedule makes us all tired and ready for normal by the end of the week. A week being the longest stretch I've been needed.
So how do you handle a major change in your schedule? Can you plan ahead for the entire week or handle it a day at a time? I am a mix of the two. Meals were planned each morning for the evening. Rides to activities were worked out a week in advance, but there is always some wiggle room in all plans.
Next time your schedule needs to be restructured, I hope everything works out as planned with a little fun thrown in on the side.
" A stay at home mom doesn't go out to do her job. She gets to stay at home to do her job of taking care of the house and her kids."
"Oh" came the small voice from the booster seat behind me in the car. "You're not a stay at home mom."
Puzzled I asked, "Why do you think that buddy?"
"You don't stay at home. You shop!" We were on our way to Walmart for groceries and such after all.
I did set the record straight and we did have a chuckle that night as I told Mike my "non-stay -at -home" status.
Now that my guys are older and much more independent, I occassionally work behind the desk at our karate studio. I answer phones, handle payments, greet students, and pretty much just sit behind the desk to make sure things run smoothly.
It is not a hard job. I really love doing it. It does change the schedule at home quite a bit! while I am still at home to help my guys with school work in the mornings. I leave to work the desk around 3:00. I run a couple errands and get to work at 4:00 to have things ready for the first class at 4:30. I spend the evening at ATA and get home around 9:00.
I don't get to greet Mike when he gets home from work and while the crockpot and instant pot come in handy, the guys are on their own for dinner. That big of a change in the schedule makes us all tired and ready for normal by the end of the week. A week being the longest stretch I've been needed.
So how do you handle a major change in your schedule? Can you plan ahead for the entire week or handle it a day at a time? I am a mix of the two. Meals were planned each morning for the evening. Rides to activities were worked out a week in advance, but there is always some wiggle room in all plans.
Next time your schedule needs to be restructured, I hope everything works out as planned with a little fun thrown in on the side.
Monday, October 15, 2018
New Car
In 2009, we needed more room in our vehicle. If we were going anywhere and taking friends with us, we didn't have any room. The friend would have had to ride on the roof or in the storage area of our CR-V. So after much searching, we found a 2005 Honda Pilot with a cassette player. The cassette player was absolutely necessary because the boys' traveling music was only on cassettes and was required for the long trips to visit family.
Matt was in Pre-School and MikeG was a first grader when the "new to us" Pilot joined the family. Flash forward almost 10 years, our wonderful Pilot had traveled 240,219 miles. The oil leaked a little. We had to top off the power steering fluid once a month or so. Transmission fluid was also disappearing from where it belonged. It was time for the old girl to retire.
So the search began again. We knew the size we needed - that third row seat is important. A minivan was NOT an option. Newer technology was a big plus. We narrowed down the field to another Pilot and a Toyota Highlander. Let the test drives begin.
After the first round, I liked the Pilot and my wonderful husband was leaning towards the Highlander. The test drives for the two cars had been a about a week or so apart, so we decided to check them both out again on the same day - head to head so to speak.
Each car had pluses and minuses. Pros and cons. Good colors, bad colors, different bells and whistles. Different levels of technology. Decisions, decisions, decisions!!
When all was said and done - the Highlander eked out the Pilot. Either car would have been wonderful, but for us the Highlander was a better fit. So after "the talk" with the dealer, and a day scheduled to pick up the car (we needed to have a towing package installed, which would take a couple days), the emptying of the Pilot had to take place. Over nine years of stuff had accumulated in the pockets and crevices of the seats, cup holders and storage areas. We filled one trash bag with junk and two baskets with junk that wasn't to be thrown away. There was another small basket of stuff that would find a place to live in the new car eventually. Almost like cleaning out a house for moving, but on a smaller scale.
After two days of driving the Highlander, I feel spoiled. The new car smell, the clean seats and scuff free dashboard - lovely! I wonder how long it will last?
Matt was in Pre-School and MikeG was a first grader when the "new to us" Pilot joined the family. Flash forward almost 10 years, our wonderful Pilot had traveled 240,219 miles. The oil leaked a little. We had to top off the power steering fluid once a month or so. Transmission fluid was also disappearing from where it belonged. It was time for the old girl to retire.
So the search began again. We knew the size we needed - that third row seat is important. A minivan was NOT an option. Newer technology was a big plus. We narrowed down the field to another Pilot and a Toyota Highlander. Let the test drives begin.
After the first round, I liked the Pilot and my wonderful husband was leaning towards the Highlander. The test drives for the two cars had been a about a week or so apart, so we decided to check them both out again on the same day - head to head so to speak.
Each car had pluses and minuses. Pros and cons. Good colors, bad colors, different bells and whistles. Different levels of technology. Decisions, decisions, decisions!!
When all was said and done - the Highlander eked out the Pilot. Either car would have been wonderful, but for us the Highlander was a better fit. So after "the talk" with the dealer, and a day scheduled to pick up the car (we needed to have a towing package installed, which would take a couple days), the emptying of the Pilot had to take place. Over nine years of stuff had accumulated in the pockets and crevices of the seats, cup holders and storage areas. We filled one trash bag with junk and two baskets with junk that wasn't to be thrown away. There was another small basket of stuff that would find a place to live in the new car eventually. Almost like cleaning out a house for moving, but on a smaller scale.
After two days of driving the Highlander, I feel spoiled. The new car smell, the clean seats and scuff free dashboard - lovely! I wonder how long it will last?
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